Last week’s most
trending tag on social media was #MeToo. The concept was for the victims of any
sexual abuse to come out in the open using this tag. Normally, the victims of
sexual abuse tend to hide their plight due to the fear of social repercussions
or shame. But this time, something totally different happened. People came out
in droves, tagging themselves with #MeToo. This was a welcome change from the norm.
Many such trends had
previously taken the internet by storm. They all fizzled as quickly as they
started. But not this one.
Usually, some people
join these trends, some let these trends pass by without getting affected,
while some people make fun of such ideas. Mind you, those who make fun of such
trends are not entirely wrong every time! Most supporters of these trends are
armchair warriors who resemble most to those who are content to take out a
candle-march for every atrocity, every terrorist attack, and every injustice.
After all, participating in a candle march is much easier than doing anything
substantial at the ground level!
But this movement was
different. Many female friends, relatives, and acquaintances of mine tagged
themselves with the #MeToo tag. I am sure those who did not are either not
active on social media or have avoided it. It does not mean they have not been
victims of sexual abuse even ones!
I have not seen a single
male in my friend list tagging themselves with the #MeToo tag. That does not
mean men are not abused sexually. But due to the ever-present societal need to
be ‘tough’ and ‘not cry like a woman’, men are even more reluctant to come out.
It seems much easier to put up a mask of normalcy and hide the pain. (Maybe this
is one of the main reasons the men have more heart attacks than women!).
But those opposed to the
#MeToo use this fact to label the women who come out as attention seekers. They
point out the fact that male victims of sexual abuse do not seek such attention.
I would like to politely
point out one fact to these people.
There’s a certain
percentage of men who face sexual abuse in their lifetime. But every girl and
every woman, without exception, is subjected to it at least once in her
lifetime! It may be as trivial as catcalls from the roadside Romeos, unwanted
advances from the college seniors or coworkers or as serious as rape.
And the worst part is
that in many cases, the perpetrators are not even aware that they are doing
something wrong!
A few years ago, I was
working in a big and highly respected software MNC. I had a friend and
colleague in the middle management who was also father of a boy child. One day,
while chatting in the cafeteria, he narrated how fun his college life was. The
‘fun’ part, he said, was to go in crowded marketplaces along with his male
friends and ‘feel up’ the young girls and women using the cover of the crowd.
And he seriously thought it was somehow funny and macho!
In my college days, I
heard a friend of mine had bragging how he did not let any girl overtake him in
traffic!
In one of the projects I
was working in, there was a feisty, assertive and competent female colleague.
She always worked smart and achieved the results the management wanted.
Naturally, she got her seniors’ attention and accolades. But according to the
male colleagues around me, she owed her ascension within the ranks not to her
work, but to the size of her chest. The fact that she preferred to wear western
clothes did not help either!
But why am I dragging
Bollywood in this, you may ask.
Because for generations,
Bollywood has been glorifying sexual abuse!
Just like we get used to
litter on the streets, traffic jams, potholes, stray dogs (and now stray cows)
and stop even noticing them, we have got used to the sexual abuse of women.
I rarely watch Bollywood
movies now a days. So, the examples given below are from Bollywood movies from
a few years ago. But the mindset of our society is still the same.
Scenario 1: Two people are having a bitter (verbal)
fight. After a few heated dialogues, it reaches its peak, when one of the
persons slaps the other person on the cheek to end the dispute. Now, whether
ending a dispute by slapping the other person is right or wrong is anyone’s
guess. But I want to get your attention to the unwritten rules of the slapping
action if the fight involved one male and one female.
- Nine out of ten, the
male slaps the female compelling her to shut her mouth, unless she is his
mother! If the male and the female are at the same relationship level
(lovers/spouses/friends), it’s always the male who slaps the female.
- In the rare cases
where this equation is altered (the female slaps the male regardless of her
stature), the male inevitably shows her her ‘true place’ later in the movie.
Scenario 2 – All self-reliant, highly paid, strong
women who indulge themselves in smart clothes and quality makeup are either
sluts, or home breakers, or both! The dependent-on-husband’s-money,
saree-wearing (or wearing ‘Indian clothes’… whatever that means) woman is
always good at heart. She lives happily in a massively joint family,
takes care of all the elderly and children, cooks and wants no privacy. Yet
later she magically gets pregnant (with a male child of course)!
These same concepts rule
most of the soap operas on the primetime television, which is mostly watched by
women. Ohh, the irony!!
Scenario 3 – If the female protagonist is socially or
economically at a higher level than the male protagonist, she has her head in
the clouds, while the male protagonist has a ‘golden heart’. Of course, the
male inevitably shows her her ‘true place’ later in the movie.
Let’s see some examples.
These movies were released between 1990 and 2010, the era of radical social-economic
changes in India. But some things never changed!
All these movies were
mega hits or super hits at the box office. Most of them are so-called ‘family
movies’.
1. Hum Aapke Hai Kaun – After Renuka Shanane (the
proverbial ‘ideal Indian woman’) dies, the movie finally sees its first
conflict after too much marriage masala. Ajit Wachchhani’s wife played by Aruna
Irani says something which deeply offends everyone. So, he does what every good
(and strong) Bollywood husband does. He urges her to shut her mouth by slapping
her!
But the dialogue he utters after slapping her is
even more disturbing than the slap itself. He says, ‘It’s due to this nature of
you that you have remained childless!’.
He completely forgot than it takes a man too, to
make a child. But then, how can he be responsible for her not having a child
when she is such a loudmouth? Totally makes sense, right?
This movie is hailed as a ‘family movie’ because
it has no intimate scenes or violence. But what such dialogues are if not violent?
2. Ladla – This Anil Kapoor-Sridevi starrer
is a model movie for misogynism. Sridevi is the owner of a business empire,
while Anil Kapoor is an illiterate tramp. But when they meet, the first thing
he says is…’मर्द कि शान है सर उठाके चलना, औरत की शान है सर झुकाके चलना!’ (A man is supposed to
keep his head high, while a woman is supposed to walk with her head bowed). At
the end of the movie, Sridevi, who had single-handedly built a business empire,
hands it over to her husband and happily becomes a housewife!
3. Damini – This was supposed to be a
woman-empowerment movie, because it was all about the fight of a woman to find
justice for another woman. But what do we remember at the end of the movie?
Only Govind’s (Sunny Deol) ‘Dhai kilo ka haath’. Except one scene at the end,
Damini remains powerless as a woman.
4. Lagaan – Everything goes well till the last five
minutes. Bhuvan used Elizabeth to win the match and then chose Gauri as his
wife while completely ignoring Elizabeth’s love. Elizabeth returned to England
after ruining her brother’s career. Isn’t this supposed to be the end? But no.
The narrator had to state the fact that she remained unmarried through her life
because she worshipped Bhuvan so much! WTF??
5. Rang De Basanti – In this movie, women use their
so-called powerlessness to send men to their deaths, while remaining safely
sheltered in their own homes. Men raid the AIR building, kill people, get
killed and die. Women just keep saying ‘Kill them all’.
6. Rangeela – A man with zero ambition, and of
course a ‘golden heart’ to compensate for the lack of money and brains. A
strong, sassy, ambitious woman ready to see big dreams and do the work to
fulfill them. But she finally runs back to the protagonist because an
unemployed man’s love was more important than fulfilling her potential.
Luckily, the movie ends there sparing us from watching the fiasco their
marriage would be later.
7. Phool Aur Kaante – The first half hour of this
movie is a lesson in how to harass a girl. In a civilized society, he would rot
in prison. Instead, the girl just falls for his ‘wooing’.
These are only a few
examples which show how Bollywood glorifies sexual abuse and violence against
women. As if this glorification was not bad enough, it’s served under the guise
of ‘Proper Indian culture’. For most of the populace, the boundaries between
the virtual world of movies and the real world are blurred.
This causes most people
to first feel such abuse is normal, even expected.
Then they get used to
it.
Then they start
justifying it.
Then they start blaming
the victims for their clothes, their makeup, their ‘bad habits’, their
character.
But as men, can’t we
learn to control ourselves and teach our boys to control themselves? Will you
dare to act this way in places like Dubai or Singapore? I have spent a few
years in Europe. With a few exceptions, I never saw such blatant sexual abuse
of women on the streets. I do not claim such things don’t happen at all. But
they are not glorified at least.
The day any man, woman,
and even a transgender can live free of the fear of sexual abuse in our society
can we say we have truly become civilized.
